There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
