Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
