He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize