i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
