Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
