take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
