then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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