evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
