I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
