sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
