My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
