i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
