i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
