How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
