I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
