you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
