Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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