We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
