Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
