he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
