You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
