I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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