Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
