It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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