maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
