basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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