haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
