So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ugly people sure do ruin things
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
