So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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