So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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