thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
