There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize