you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
