Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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