Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
