Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
