Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You don't make any sense
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