I think scott just propositioned me for sex
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
