It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
