Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
