It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
