Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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