I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Someone came in the potted fern
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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