Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
