First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
