dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
