I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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