He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
