I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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