Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So apparently I’m into choking now
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
