Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
