If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I still have a little drunk in my system
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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