She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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