The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
