I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
