Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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