This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
