don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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