I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
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You. Win. At. Life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
