is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
