When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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