whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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