I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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