Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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