Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
