Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
