First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
