In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
