Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
