Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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