You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
