Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
