she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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