u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
