Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize