U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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