My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
