i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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