The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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