"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
