So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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