she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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