Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
