I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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