nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
