My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
