my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
