38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
