Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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