OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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