you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize