you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
