Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
