Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
