That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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